Of mud and other stuff

Spring. Brings up images of singing birds, blooming flowers, and children playing happily outside. This does all happen, but the reality is that in Minnesota at least, spring is filled with water and its friend, mud.

Yesterday was a great day. I had a productive day at work (even managing to clean off my desk in between patients), followed by a much-needed trip out of town to visit my cousin Dan and his wife Heather at their cabin. We took the kids and dogs and everybody had a blast. It is nearing the end of the maple syrup season and we learned how to tap the trees and boil off the sap to make syrup. Livin' off the land! We put the kids to work hauling the sap in, then watched it boil for like 5 hours. The dogs ran around and played, the kids ran around and played, and the adults stood by the fire and drank. It was good. All of the fresh air made us tired and I fell into a deep, medicine-free sleep by 10 pm.

I woke up today to the sounds and smells of Dan making us pancakes with homemade syrup at 6 am, as we needed to leave by 8. The only problem was a pounding headache that is still with me 12 hours later. After church, we spent the rest of the day outside, cleaning up dog poop (well, Lisa cleaned up dog poop), putting out the patio furniture, "summerizing" the snowblower, and going for a 6 mile bike ride with the girls.

Now I sit inside, angry at all of the mud produced today. It is on the floor, the walls, in my kids' hair, wiped on our white towels. I am short with the kids, especially Morgan, who really knows how to push our buttons, and who is responsible for 90% of the indoor mud.  I just want to go to bed, my head hurts so bad, but I have to get the kids ready for the school week. Have I mentioned that kids are on their second shower of the day? And I have to clean up all of this damn mud.

I am also angry that I have been stuck at my current weight for 3 weeks. I am also angry that Marley keeps getting into the trash when we're gone for like 10 minutes. I got really angry at Morgan for breaking my bike helmet today. And I'm angry that I have to sit next to the piano for 90 minutes in order to make sure all 3 piano-playing kids get their practice time in. And have I mentioned the headache?

I started this adventure (pre-diagnosis) with a mission to better myself and it is obvious that I have back-slid a bit. I can't let my illness prevent me from being the best person I can, right? In fact, isn't something like cancer actually supposed to make you a better person? So what can I do? Well, I can't prevent the headache, but I can take some Advil. I can't make my kids behave like grown-ups, but I can alter the way I respond to their transgressions. I can chill out about the mud in the house. I can delight in the fact that I have three pretty awesome young pianists in the house (even if they don't exactly like it).

One thing I am doing well is I am appreciating my friendships. I have had so many friends and even acquaintences offer their help, and I'm not even sick! People really are awesome. I have also tried to spend more time with the really important people in my life. I am calling or otherwise communicating with so many friends and family members, and it's not just about the cancer. I really want to keep my ties strong. I also am so thankful that I really want to show it more. I am going to start by writing a thank you note to the radiologist who got the biopsy. How many radiologists do you think get thank-you cards? I appreciate her ability and her honesty and I am going to show it.

Tomorrow is what I am calling Step 1 in the Second Part of my saga. The First Part was getting to the diagnosis. The Second Part is moving forward and taking care of the problem. Step 1 is a breast MRI scheduled for tomorrow morning. I am kind of nervous because I have to have a contrast MRI, which means an IV catheter, and I tend to throw up whenever they try to place an IV in me.

The cool thing about a blog is that I get to spend the entire time talking about me! I love it! Because, unlike real conversations, if you don't want to listen, you don't need to! You can walk away! I won't know, and won't care! How neat is that? That is why I am able to spend sooo much time talking about the diagnosis. I need to get it out, and I don't have to do it by boring everyone I see. If I write it all out here, then I'll be able to actually ask others about their day when I run into them at the store. And that's a good thing.