Is that the sun I see?

Wow! The sun finally came out! Although the day started out rainy, by noon it was actually warm enough to drive with my car window open a little. Just think, 2 weeks ago I was sitting on the beach getting sunburned. Wow. Why did I come back to this? Oh. Work. Friends. Family.

It's funny how the psyche adapts to surprising, and not necessarily good, news. I was in shock, then there was anxiety, then acceptance, then indecision as to what to do next. I know more about breast cancer and DCIS specifically than almost anyone I know. I wish it were clear-cut, but it's not. But it's good that I am over the shock part of it, because you can't get much done in that phase. Sort of like falling in love. If people stayed in that initial head-over-heals state forever, nothing would get done on this earth, right? And grief. One must eventually move on. It's not like you can't think about it, even several times a day, but it doesn't fill EVERY thought. It doesn't prevent you from getting through the day, and even enjoying it.

So I am now able to look at thing objectively, and realize that there is much hysteria surrounding breast cancer and even DCIS. I'm not going to rush out and get a bilateral mastectomy, like some women do, and I may not even opt for radiation. I know! It sounds crazy but there are many women who have small, low grade DCIS that is completely removed with good margins, who don't necessarily need radiation. I will obviously know more after my surgery (which is in 4 days, BTW).

One of my clients has had a tough year. Her husband died last fall of a chronic illness and her son is currently in ICU battling a rare auto-immune disease. To top it off, a semi truck slammed into her in February, sending her to ICU for a week with multiple pelvic fractures, etc. and to a rehab center for another month. She said her dogs were what got her through it all. Anyway, she also said that she learned a lot about herself in the past 6 months, and while it has been, and continues to be, very tough, she is a bit grateful for the life lessons it has taught her. Too bad we need disaster to teach us these things. Seriously! Many times we won't change our ways or our outlook unless we are forced to by a huge, life-changing event. It's human nature.

Eventually I will stop obsessing about breast cancer and move on to something else. But I will miss these days, because they are changing my life. I am more accepting of hugs. (!) I am more grateful for my friends. I am more sympathetic to people who have fallen on hard times. I am more aware of the trials that others are going through. Basically, I am less selfish.

By the way, the Xanax was AWESOME! I slept great last night! I can see where it could become addictive, however, so I need to be careful or my next blog will be about my stint in rehab. Ha!