My Next Big Thing

I am sitting here after putting the kids to bed, listening to the frogs creeking through my open window and I can't help but reflect on how a mere month ago I was doing the same in Hawaii. Except instead of frogs I heard the crashing of waves. And roosters. It seems like so much in my life has changed since that time. It is no longer cold and snowy in Minnesota; it is warm(er) and rainy. My lumpectomy surgery has come and gone, and now I don't have cancer anymore either. I still think about it daily, but not nearly every moment of every day. I was never really worried about dying, but I just couldn't think of anything but cancer cancer cancer for a couple of months. Now I am easing back into normal life, and trying to figure out again what my long-term goals are. It's not easy! One never really grows up, do they? They never really "make it". There is always some other pie in the sky.

What is my Next Big Thing?

I'm in my chosen career and I have a family (albeit not exactly the family I had planned way back when, but it is a family nonetheless). I guess I had never really thought beyond that. When you're in high school you don't really think about life after 40. You think you'll have your career and that's it. But many people don't exactly want to stay in their first career for 40 years. That's a long time, longer than most marriages. Or they may want to scale back on one career and pursue another. What do I want to do?

I love being a vet, but I can't imagine myself being one of those old docs who should have taken down the shingle long ago. I am planning for an early retirement. Not where I would stop working altogether, but one where I would have the option of working part-time, or taking extended periods off. Even before "retiring", I would maybe switch to a different field within vet med. Maybe someday I'll try teaching. Or writing. Or (gasp!) large animal medicine. Or what I'd really like to do is travel to less affluent parts of the world and volunteer my skills working on pets and livestock where needed.

But what else? If I only work part-time in the veterinary field, what other profession would I choose? I would love to work in a bike shop, actually. To clarify - bicycles, not motorcycles. Or maybe Home Depot - I love that store! Something with a little less stress and generally happy customers. Or (more likely), I would choose an equally high-pressure career, because that's what I do. I need a little stress in my life. And I'm not being sarcastic about that.

Actually, this blog entry is an example of what goes through my mind all of the time. I am always planning and processing, and it can drive a person a little nuts. Many people are happy where they are in life; why can't I be satisfied? Why does there have to be a Next Big Thing? Well, because I'm 40. And I've seen my mortality. And I feel that time is running out to do everything that I set out to do, whatever that may be (and it is a moving target, by the way). I'm almost panicky about it.

There are no easy answers. And I know that I'm not the only one who thinks this way. You would think that with age there would also come the wisdom to accept my limitations, but no. Not yet.

So how do the rest of you feel? Are you satisfied with where you are, or at least capable of being so? Or (like me) never satisfied? And if you are like me, what is your Next Big Thing?