A few months ago our minister started up a Small Group Ministry program. He asked for volunteers to be part of the inaugural group, with the expectation that those members would be facilitators of future small group ministries. Since I don't have nearly enough on my plate, I decided to try it out. To be honest, I had no idea what small group ministry is. All I knew is that I am still trying to "find" myself and I thought this would be a good place to continue down the path of self-examintion.
I am now the veteran of 6 small group ministry meetings and this is what I can tell you. There are about 8 of us (we started with 10 but a couple of people dropped out), including the facilitator (who in this case is the minister). We sit in a circle. We are not allowed to talk unless we are holding the "talking stick" (or talking figurine in this case). Because we're UUs, we start by lighting the chalice while the facilitator reads a reading. I assume that in other religions, there might be an opening prayer or something. Then there is a "check-in", where we go around the circle and one by one answer a check-in question, which usually pertains to "How are you doing?" Last week it was "How is your soul?" (To which one person answered - "I am trying to lose my soul. So I don't think I have a soul right now." Remember, we're UUs.) Each person gets a few minutes to answer the question, as deeply and honestly as they feel comfortable doing, while the rest of the group just listens. We can't talk back, make judgements, or give advice. It's a beautiful thing!
OK, I admit that initially I was a little confused by that format, but it is becoming clear that it really does serve a purpose. By answering these deep questions without fear of interruption or judgement, we find our own truth. It's an interesting phenomenon. And by being forced to listen, we are learning something about the person speaking. And about life. Because everyone has something, some viewpoint, some experience to contribute. And we are also learning the very-important-but-not-often-used skill of LISTENING. Just sitting there and listening. And not offering advice, or a smart-ass remark (a I am prone to doing), or an anecdote. This is someone else's story and I can wait until it's my turn, for crying out loud!
At first the speaking part was challenging. How do I answer? What if I'm way off base? What if I am JUDGED? But as we have beocome more comfortable with each other and with the process, I no longer have anxiety over that. Then it was the listening that was hard. At first I would spend the time where others were speaking just daydreaming, or formulating what I was going to say when it was my turn. And that's ok. But it started to shift a couple of sessions ago. I gave up thinking and just listened. Because that's what we're there for. To be there. The presence of the other small group members acts sort of like a silent sounding board. And just the act of sitting in silence and paying attention to what someone else is saying is powerful.
Try it some time. Just listen to someone tell a story or complain about their day. Don't say a word, but make it known that you are paying attention. It is a mighty good skill to have!
After the check-in question, there are 2-3 further questions, usually revolving around a theme. Last night the theme was our gifts - what energizes us, what we are good at, and how we can use our skills for the church. It was interesting that it took us all awhile to be comfortable speaking out loud about our gifts. Like we we didn't want to be accused of bragging. But we can! That's the question! And no one can judge! As you can imagine, I had no trouble listing some of my many skills and talents. I could have talked for hours! Actually, the most interesting thing about that question is that even I immediately wanted to answer it with some of the things I am NOT good at. Why is that?
Anyway, after a total of 3-4 questions and a closing reading or prayer, we're done. The session starts on time and ends on time - 90 minutes later. There are no breaks, no food, no small talk (except for before and after). And, after 8-12 sessions, when we're finally starting to get really tight as a group, we are supposed to break up! And form new groups! Sad. I will miss my new friends, but I can see how doing this for 3-4 groups per year allows one to form really close bonds with a whole bunch of people.
OK, you may think this is weird, but I have an anaolgy for this. A few weeks ago we saw the movie "Chimpanzee". In it, the narrator talked about how important grooming each other (you know, going through each other's fur and eating the little insects that are crawling around) was in maintaining the bonds within a pack of chimps. In a way, small group ministry is a lot like that. We meet every few weeks and figuratively pick off insects from each other as a way to bond the group. Just sayin'.
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