Tamoxifen FAIL

Aaaaaahhh.... estrogen. Who knew this little hormone would be so important to my well-being? It has been about 4 days since I took my last dose of tamoxifen and it's like cloud has been lifted. I didn't realize how much this vile drug had been affecting me until I put my foot down and just stopped. Actually, Lisa is the one who tipped the scale towards not taking it anymore. When I asked her if I should continue taking it, her only response was, "I hate that drug." She has always wanted me to be as aggressive as possible, and has the most to lose if I die from breast cancer (being that she would have to raise 4 kids on her own and all), so when SHE told me to stop, that meant something! I am not completely back to normal, but my mood has definitely improved, as have the hot/nausea flashes. This experience has made me a little afraid for what's going to happen to me when I actually hit menopause, but I am hoping that it will be different, being that it will be a gradual, natural process, not a suddenly, chemically-induced event.

I feel pretty good about my decision. I mean, it did give it a try. But this disease has hijacked my mental and emotional health for the spring and the greater part of the summer, and it's time for me to take my life back. Plus, it's not like I am going against medical advice or anything. In fact, my oncologist had told me that about 1/2 of the women in my situation elect to not even start the drug at all! And if I actually got breast cancer, I would probably take it again. Or not. I would actually consider a mastectomy before having to go on this medication, that's how bad it was.

I will still be diligently on top of my breast health, going in every 6 months for a check. I am even doing breast self exams every week, which is way more frequently than the NEVER that I did before. I realize that some of you may think that I am crazy for not taking every possible precaution, but my risk, overall, is still pretty low. I think it is statistically 5-6% over the next 5 years. I can live with that, way better than life with tamoxifen.