So, remember my post about no longer being cheap? True to my word, I bought a new Bontrager bike bag last month. This is the kind of bag that goes on a rack behind your bike seat. This particular pack has a latch system for easy installation and removal from the rack, as well as side pockets that turn into panniers when you need exra storage. I paid a lot for this little bag (maybe $90), but I bought it at the local bike store, so I figured I was also doing my part to help the local economy and all.
Anyway, I have been very pleased with my new little bike rack pack.
Fast forward to last weekend. Camping. Since the billboards from the DNR practically make me pledge not to move firewood around the state (due mainly to the emerald ash borer), I am a good little citizen and I buy my firewood at the state park. $5 for a dozen little pieces that burn up in about 90 minutes. On Sunday, most of the campground cleared out, but we still had another night. I got the brilliant idea to go around the campground and take any firewood that was left behind. What a coup! I even got the kids involved.
Since some of the campsites were a ways away, I had my second brilliant idea of the day. Let's ride our bikes around! The only challenge was hauling the wood back on our bikes, but my new bike bag (with the panniers unfolded) came in handy for the hauling of the wood. My best find was a rather large, half burned log. This piece obviously wasn't sold by the state park; this was a REAL piece of firewood. It would probably burn for another 3 hours! So what if it still was a little warm. I could pick it up with my bare hands. Which I did. And placed it on top of my new bike pack for the 1/4 mile ride back to our campsite.
The first thing Lisa said upon my arrival was, What's up with the log? It's still burning! What?? Sure enough, part of the log still had red embers. Uh oh. I didn't see that part. You know, the flaming part.
Wouldn't you know, it burned several holes in my brand new bag. And worse, it burned completely through the zipper as well. My bag is still usable, but it is now imperfect, and I have to decide if I'm ok with that.
So yes, in my quest to save $5 on firewood, I ruined a $90 bike bag. Ms. Cheap reared her ugly head just when I thought I was safe from her. The irony in this situation is twofold. First, had I bought a cheap bike bag, I wouldn't be out so much money. And second, the next day we left behind lots of unused firewood for the next campers. Didn't need that big log after all.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
15 miles, part 2
My last "long" run was on July 18th, one of the hottest, most humid days of the year. I was very proud of myself for sticking it out in that weather, but it resulted in a foot injury that caused me to take an entire month off of running. I started back up last week, and since the marathon is only 6 weeks away, I have some time to make up for!
I ran 7 miles on Monday, in my super thin, flexible Merrell running shoes. They are almost like the 5-fingered shoes, just without the 5 fingers. Running so far in my Merrells after such a long break was a big mistake on my part. At about mile 3 my calves started to tighten up, and they were on fire by the time I finished. Stupid, stupid! Why do I do this to myself??? Anyway, I have been hobbling around with very sore calves since Monday. They are improving, but even just yesterday, I had to use the guard rail to support me going down stairs.
Today was a big day. My first long run in quite some time. The weather was much better than last time, but I started out with sore legs, so it felt like I'd already been running 10 miles before I even began. Oh, and because I wanted to get the run in before work, I woke up at the ungodly hour of 4 am. 4 AM!! Luckily, Margaret agreed to run with me; if not, I am sure I would have hit the snooze bar every 9 minutes until 7 am.
Some runs are good and some runs are not so good. I would put this one in the latter catergory. Every hill - both up and down - was painful, and we run a pretty hilly course. But, it was also a good run. It was humid, but not hot, and we got to watch the sun rise over the lake. Also, because NOBODY else is crazy enough to be out on the path so early, I didn't have to have my dog on a leash.
Although it was a struggle, I finished the 15 miles in 2 hours and 29 minutes, which is just shy of 10 minute miles. My half marathon time would have been 2 hours and 10 minutes, not bad for just a casual run - we are going for distance, not time in these long runs, and in fact had to slow ourselves down early on. Not so much of a problem later, but I will say that I finished the last mile in under 10 minutes, which I think is a pretty good accomplishment.
It's good to get that over with and to know that my knee and foot could handle it. I am not going to run at all for the next week - I really need to allow my legs to recover. Maybe a 7 miler next week, then 16-17 miles the following week, them I'm done. I will consider myself fully trained for the marathon on October 2. Wow. Can it really happen?
Training for a marathon, even when training with a friend (yes, Margaret agreed to run the marathon as well!), is a very personal journey. Unlike in team sports, only I am affected by how I do. Only I know exactly how my body feels at any given moment. Only I have to figure out how to train adequately without wrecking my body. And that is not an easy task. Only I have to dig down deep to finish those last few miles or even steps.
I wouldn't say it's lonely. But it is hard.
I ran 7 miles on Monday, in my super thin, flexible Merrell running shoes. They are almost like the 5-fingered shoes, just without the 5 fingers. Running so far in my Merrells after such a long break was a big mistake on my part. At about mile 3 my calves started to tighten up, and they were on fire by the time I finished. Stupid, stupid! Why do I do this to myself??? Anyway, I have been hobbling around with very sore calves since Monday. They are improving, but even just yesterday, I had to use the guard rail to support me going down stairs.
Today was a big day. My first long run in quite some time. The weather was much better than last time, but I started out with sore legs, so it felt like I'd already been running 10 miles before I even began. Oh, and because I wanted to get the run in before work, I woke up at the ungodly hour of 4 am. 4 AM!! Luckily, Margaret agreed to run with me; if not, I am sure I would have hit the snooze bar every 9 minutes until 7 am.
Some runs are good and some runs are not so good. I would put this one in the latter catergory. Every hill - both up and down - was painful, and we run a pretty hilly course. But, it was also a good run. It was humid, but not hot, and we got to watch the sun rise over the lake. Also, because NOBODY else is crazy enough to be out on the path so early, I didn't have to have my dog on a leash.
Although it was a struggle, I finished the 15 miles in 2 hours and 29 minutes, which is just shy of 10 minute miles. My half marathon time would have been 2 hours and 10 minutes, not bad for just a casual run - we are going for distance, not time in these long runs, and in fact had to slow ourselves down early on. Not so much of a problem later, but I will say that I finished the last mile in under 10 minutes, which I think is a pretty good accomplishment.
It's good to get that over with and to know that my knee and foot could handle it. I am not going to run at all for the next week - I really need to allow my legs to recover. Maybe a 7 miler next week, then 16-17 miles the following week, them I'm done. I will consider myself fully trained for the marathon on October 2. Wow. Can it really happen?
Training for a marathon, even when training with a friend (yes, Margaret agreed to run the marathon as well!), is a very personal journey. Unlike in team sports, only I am affected by how I do. Only I know exactly how my body feels at any given moment. Only I have to figure out how to train adequately without wrecking my body. And that is not an easy task. Only I have to dig down deep to finish those last few miles or even steps.
I wouldn't say it's lonely. But it is hard.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
The case of Sassy (not her real name) the dog
Let me tell you about a case I saw at the vet cinic last week. My shift ended at 6 and I was supposed to go to a kayaking class at REI at 6:30. At 4:30, my receptionist asked me if I could see a dog with bloody diarrhea. Since most of these cases are pretty quick appointments, I said sure. So we added Sassy to our already full schedule.
Sassy and her family arrived at 4:45, just like they said they would. I had seen her once before, although we aren't their regular clinic. The tech called me right into the room because Sassy did not look good. She was so weak she couldn't stand, her gums were pale, and her hear rate was elevated. This dog needed hospitalization and a relatively extensive work up. We rushed her back and started an IV right away. I then presented an estimate for about $600-700 for initial diagnostics and stabilization at our clinic, but I made it clear that she would then need to be transferred to a 24 hours facility for further care, at an additional expense. The owner ok'd the estimate and we got to work. This dog had multiple problems, including elevated liver and pancreas values, messed up electrolytes, and an extremely high white blood cell count. She was breathig rapidly and had a very painful abdomen.
After going through all of this with the owner, we decided to transfer her to the U of MN. However, after I called in the referral, the owner wanted to talk again. Turns out she was having second thoughts about going to the U. The dog was old(er) and they didn't have a lot of money. I managed to talk them in to at least going there for overnight hospitalization, as I really did not want to send this dog home. On occasion, I have eed known to bring sick patients home on IV's and house them in our bathtub, but this pet was too sick even for that.
During all of this, I had to see my routinely scheduled appointments as well. And wouldn't you know, I didn't get out of there until almost 7, too late to make my kayaking class.
A few hours later, the doc at the U of MN called me with an update. After spending several hours going back and forth, the owners decided to take the dog home against medical advice. They were really nice about it, but they told her they didn't have enough money for even the basic care. Shoot, if they'd been up front with me in the first place, I maybe wiould have taken the dog home after all. A night in the bathtub on IV fluids is better than a night at home with no fluids.
So of course I lost a little sleep over that one. Sassy was due to come in at 8 am the next morning for a recheck. What woould I walk into when I got to work? Would she make it through the night? Would she be in worse shape than before?
Pleasant surprise - Sassy was doing better! Not 100%, mind you, but maybe 50% better. I gave the owners yet another estimate. Actually, two estimates. One for another day in the hospital, and the second for outpatient treatment, which would be cheaper. Guess which one the owners chose? Yes, the first plan!
So she stayed in the hospital on IV fluids, pain meds, and antibiotics. I discharged her Friday night and saw her again for a recheck Saturday morning - she was almost back to her old self. She's having repeat blood work tomorrow. I would guess that the owners spent $1300 at my clinic, plus whatever her trip to the U cost.
I don't know why they declined treatment at the U, but let me do whatever the next day. Maybe it's because the dog was getting better and they were more willing to spend more money with a better prognosis. Maybe they just had a change of heart. All I know is that I wish they had been more honest with their limitations (although in the end there didn't seem to be that many) at the beginning of treatment. The U of MN vet felt really bad that she had to send her home that first night. If I had known the owners wouldn't have admitted her, I would have offered up my bathtub. I already missed my class, so I had the evening free after all.
At least the story has a happy ending. The dog is better, the owners are happy, and I got paid (which doesn't always happen in this business either - but that's for another post). I feel pretty good about all that.
Sassy and her family arrived at 4:45, just like they said they would. I had seen her once before, although we aren't their regular clinic. The tech called me right into the room because Sassy did not look good. She was so weak she couldn't stand, her gums were pale, and her hear rate was elevated. This dog needed hospitalization and a relatively extensive work up. We rushed her back and started an IV right away. I then presented an estimate for about $600-700 for initial diagnostics and stabilization at our clinic, but I made it clear that she would then need to be transferred to a 24 hours facility for further care, at an additional expense. The owner ok'd the estimate and we got to work. This dog had multiple problems, including elevated liver and pancreas values, messed up electrolytes, and an extremely high white blood cell count. She was breathig rapidly and had a very painful abdomen.
After going through all of this with the owner, we decided to transfer her to the U of MN. However, after I called in the referral, the owner wanted to talk again. Turns out she was having second thoughts about going to the U. The dog was old(er) and they didn't have a lot of money. I managed to talk them in to at least going there for overnight hospitalization, as I really did not want to send this dog home. On occasion, I have eed known to bring sick patients home on IV's and house them in our bathtub, but this pet was too sick even for that.
During all of this, I had to see my routinely scheduled appointments as well. And wouldn't you know, I didn't get out of there until almost 7, too late to make my kayaking class.
A few hours later, the doc at the U of MN called me with an update. After spending several hours going back and forth, the owners decided to take the dog home against medical advice. They were really nice about it, but they told her they didn't have enough money for even the basic care. Shoot, if they'd been up front with me in the first place, I maybe wiould have taken the dog home after all. A night in the bathtub on IV fluids is better than a night at home with no fluids.
So of course I lost a little sleep over that one. Sassy was due to come in at 8 am the next morning for a recheck. What woould I walk into when I got to work? Would she make it through the night? Would she be in worse shape than before?
Pleasant surprise - Sassy was doing better! Not 100%, mind you, but maybe 50% better. I gave the owners yet another estimate. Actually, two estimates. One for another day in the hospital, and the second for outpatient treatment, which would be cheaper. Guess which one the owners chose? Yes, the first plan!
So she stayed in the hospital on IV fluids, pain meds, and antibiotics. I discharged her Friday night and saw her again for a recheck Saturday morning - she was almost back to her old self. She's having repeat blood work tomorrow. I would guess that the owners spent $1300 at my clinic, plus whatever her trip to the U cost.
I don't know why they declined treatment at the U, but let me do whatever the next day. Maybe it's because the dog was getting better and they were more willing to spend more money with a better prognosis. Maybe they just had a change of heart. All I know is that I wish they had been more honest with their limitations (although in the end there didn't seem to be that many) at the beginning of treatment. The U of MN vet felt really bad that she had to send her home that first night. If I had known the owners wouldn't have admitted her, I would have offered up my bathtub. I already missed my class, so I had the evening free after all.
At least the story has a happy ending. The dog is better, the owners are happy, and I got paid (which doesn't always happen in this business either - but that's for another post). I feel pretty good about all that.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
I'm a runner again!
It has been over 3 weeks since I last ran, which is counterproductive to training for a marathon. On my last long run I developed what I will call a sprain in my left foot/ankle. until now, I couldn't run more than a few steps without excruciating pain. So I have put many miles on my bike and rollerblades lately, passing with jealousy the runners on the trail. Especially my running buddy Margaret, who was out there every damned day, and who also started to break my personal records in a couple of 5Ks while I was injured. I suspect she had something to do with my foot. Right, Margaret?
So today I felt like it was time to try again. And guess what? I ran a mile!! OK, it's a far cry from the 18 miles that I should be doing right now, but it's infinitely more than I've been able to run. Tomorrow I may shoot for 2 miles.
Of course, when I ran my mile today, I had to walk the mile back home (I know, poor planning on my part). And of course I passed a couple of runners twice - once while running and once while walking. I feel like I am being judged. Like I am too out of shape to run the whole way. I am sure that's NOT what they're thinking, but I still feel like I should say something to let them know that I'm INJURED.
Speaking of injuries, one of my greatest fears (and, according to Runner's World magazine, the greatest fear of most runners) is the fear of injury. An unexpected injury can derail your whole season. And now I don't just have my IT band to worry about; now I have to think about my foot as well. Grrr!
The good news is I haven't allowed this latest setback to depress me too much. Maybe it's because I still have 8 weeks until the marathon. Maybe it's because I have finally figured out that when it comes to running injuries, it truly "is what it is". Ain't nothin' I can do about it, except rest, cross-train, and practice the art of patience. I am hoping that this time that will be enough.
So today I felt like it was time to try again. And guess what? I ran a mile!! OK, it's a far cry from the 18 miles that I should be doing right now, but it's infinitely more than I've been able to run. Tomorrow I may shoot for 2 miles.
Of course, when I ran my mile today, I had to walk the mile back home (I know, poor planning on my part). And of course I passed a couple of runners twice - once while running and once while walking. I feel like I am being judged. Like I am too out of shape to run the whole way. I am sure that's NOT what they're thinking, but I still feel like I should say something to let them know that I'm INJURED.
Speaking of injuries, one of my greatest fears (and, according to Runner's World magazine, the greatest fear of most runners) is the fear of injury. An unexpected injury can derail your whole season. And now I don't just have my IT band to worry about; now I have to think about my foot as well. Grrr!
The good news is I haven't allowed this latest setback to depress me too much. Maybe it's because I still have 8 weeks until the marathon. Maybe it's because I have finally figured out that when it comes to running injuries, it truly "is what it is". Ain't nothin' I can do about it, except rest, cross-train, and practice the art of patience. I am hoping that this time that will be enough.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Tamoxifen FAIL
Aaaaaahhh.... estrogen. Who knew this little hormone would be so important to my well-being? It has been about 4 days since I took my last dose of tamoxifen and it's like cloud has been lifted. I didn't realize how much this vile drug had been affecting me until I put my foot down and just stopped. Actually, Lisa is the one who tipped the scale towards not taking it anymore. When I asked her if I should continue taking it, her only response was, "I hate that drug." She has always wanted me to be as aggressive as possible, and has the most to lose if I die from breast cancer (being that she would have to raise 4 kids on her own and all), so when SHE told me to stop, that meant something! I am not completely back to normal, but my mood has definitely improved, as have the hot/nausea flashes. This experience has made me a little afraid for what's going to happen to me when I actually hit menopause, but I am hoping that it will be different, being that it will be a gradual, natural process, not a suddenly, chemically-induced event.
I feel pretty good about my decision. I mean, it did give it a try. But this disease has hijacked my mental and emotional health for the spring and the greater part of the summer, and it's time for me to take my life back. Plus, it's not like I am going against medical advice or anything. In fact, my oncologist had told me that about 1/2 of the women in my situation elect to not even start the drug at all! And if I actually got breast cancer, I would probably take it again. Or not. I would actually consider a mastectomy before having to go on this medication, that's how bad it was.
I will still be diligently on top of my breast health, going in every 6 months for a check. I am even doing breast self exams every week, which is way more frequently than the NEVER that I did before. I realize that some of you may think that I am crazy for not taking every possible precaution, but my risk, overall, is still pretty low. I think it is statistically 5-6% over the next 5 years. I can live with that, way better than life with tamoxifen.
I feel pretty good about my decision. I mean, it did give it a try. But this disease has hijacked my mental and emotional health for the spring and the greater part of the summer, and it's time for me to take my life back. Plus, it's not like I am going against medical advice or anything. In fact, my oncologist had told me that about 1/2 of the women in my situation elect to not even start the drug at all! And if I actually got breast cancer, I would probably take it again. Or not. I would actually consider a mastectomy before having to go on this medication, that's how bad it was.
I will still be diligently on top of my breast health, going in every 6 months for a check. I am even doing breast self exams every week, which is way more frequently than the NEVER that I did before. I realize that some of you may think that I am crazy for not taking every possible precaution, but my risk, overall, is still pretty low. I think it is statistically 5-6% over the next 5 years. I can live with that, way better than life with tamoxifen.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
I'm a hot mess. Literally.
OK, 40 days into tamoxifen and I've become a crazy person. I told Lisa that she's probably going to leave me either now or when I really hit menopause, so she may just want to get it over with. Surprisingly, she hasn't left yet. I don't exactly remember the details of being a young teenager, but I imagine I was a lot like the 13 year olds I see now. Which is, borderline schitzophrenic. Now on the other end of my reproductive life, I'm feeling 13 all over again. I can be fine one minute but then I will explode with a mini-tantrum (usually in public, of course) the next minute. What happens is that I get these waves of flashes that results not only in me being hot, but also in me feeling faint and nauseas. Or like I'm going to have a seizure. Hard to explain. They happen several times a day and last only a minute or two, but the effects can linger.
Yes, I've talked to the doctor and we've cut the dose in half and changed the time of day I take it. However, I have the feeling that my time on this drug will be a short one. I go in for my recheck in September so I would like to make it until then, but we'll see. Since I don't actually have cancer and I am only using this to prevent it, I am not willing to risk my happiness for the slight benefit it gives me. If I get cancer I don't think I would feel bad because I really did try. I've thought this through and I'm ok with that.
I know you've also been wondering about my marathon training. I have run about 1/4 mile in the past 2 weeks. The sore foot that came up during my 15 mile run has really been hindering my running. I can walk ok, but it is excruciating to run. Man, if it's not one thing it's another, right? I plan to try again in 10 days, but in the meantime I'm biking and rollerblading like mad. I even got a sweet new pair of blades (with ABEC 9 bearings and 90 mm wheels).
I still am trying to find happiness. The crazy drug isn't helping. My sore elbow isn't helping. My bad foot certainly isn't helping. But it goes deeper than that. Having seen my mortality, I have a new take on things but it's not like in the movies where one suddenly embraces life after a big event. For one thing, I think I've done a pretty good job embracing it up until now. For another, I can't seem to figure out what I want for the rest of my life. I am in the fortunate position to have many opportunities, but that may actually make it harder to commit. One opportunity I have is to cut my hours at work a little. Maybe by 5 a week. For the first time since graduating vet school, I wouldn't be working full time. I feel sort of guilty about that, especially since I own the practice, for crying out loud, but on the other hand, if I can afford it, why not? I can spend those 5 hours doing other things I love, including spending more time with the kids, going to the gym (petty, I know), starting some new projects, or even advancing my veterinary career.
I haven't made a decision on that yet. What I'm afraid of is if I work less but I'm still not happy. Then what? Ugh. Well, I think I have to try it. And I think I have to get off of this drug. And heal my foot. Then maybe things will turn around.
Yes, I've talked to the doctor and we've cut the dose in half and changed the time of day I take it. However, I have the feeling that my time on this drug will be a short one. I go in for my recheck in September so I would like to make it until then, but we'll see. Since I don't actually have cancer and I am only using this to prevent it, I am not willing to risk my happiness for the slight benefit it gives me. If I get cancer I don't think I would feel bad because I really did try. I've thought this through and I'm ok with that.
I know you've also been wondering about my marathon training. I have run about 1/4 mile in the past 2 weeks. The sore foot that came up during my 15 mile run has really been hindering my running. I can walk ok, but it is excruciating to run. Man, if it's not one thing it's another, right? I plan to try again in 10 days, but in the meantime I'm biking and rollerblading like mad. I even got a sweet new pair of blades (with ABEC 9 bearings and 90 mm wheels).
I still am trying to find happiness. The crazy drug isn't helping. My sore elbow isn't helping. My bad foot certainly isn't helping. But it goes deeper than that. Having seen my mortality, I have a new take on things but it's not like in the movies where one suddenly embraces life after a big event. For one thing, I think I've done a pretty good job embracing it up until now. For another, I can't seem to figure out what I want for the rest of my life. I am in the fortunate position to have many opportunities, but that may actually make it harder to commit. One opportunity I have is to cut my hours at work a little. Maybe by 5 a week. For the first time since graduating vet school, I wouldn't be working full time. I feel sort of guilty about that, especially since I own the practice, for crying out loud, but on the other hand, if I can afford it, why not? I can spend those 5 hours doing other things I love, including spending more time with the kids, going to the gym (petty, I know), starting some new projects, or even advancing my veterinary career.
I haven't made a decision on that yet. What I'm afraid of is if I work less but I'm still not happy. Then what? Ugh. Well, I think I have to try it. And I think I have to get off of this drug. And heal my foot. Then maybe things will turn around.
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