So far, Tamoxifen sucks

OK, I'm trying to be a trooper about this. I'm trying to have an open mind. I'm trying to stick with it. It's just hard.

I started Tamoxifen one month ago. In fact, yesterday I picked up my first refill. Of (potentially) 59 refills if I stay on the drug for the recommended 5 years. A review - tamoxifen is a drug that changes the way estrogen affects different parts of the body. For most people, it decreases estrogen's effects in the breast, making it very useful in treating breast cancer (since most breast cancers are estrogen-responsive), and in preventing breast cancer in high-risk patients. However, tamoxifen also affects other parts of your body. In most women, it increases estrogen's effects in the uterus (resulting in a thickened uterine lining and increased vaginal secretions) and in the bone, reducing osteoporosis. It also screws up the temperature regulation system in the hypothalamus, resulting in hot flashes in up to 60% of women taking the drug. Apparently, this side effect gets better with time. I am counting on that.

I had some GI upset the first few weeks on the drug. I also had some cramping and spotting, but not too bad. However, lately I've been waking up in a sweat a few times a night. I didn't figure out until today that it was hot flashes! Why today? Well, they started in force today. They come on in a flush of heat and a little nausea and last maybe a couple of minutes. I think I have had a dozen hot flashes today. Let me tell you, it kind of sucks. I'm too young to be having menopause symptoms, especially when I'll have to go through it all again in about ten years.

So why take the drug? I don't even have cancer, right? Is it worth these effects to maybe prevent me from getting cancer in the future? I really don't know. What I do know is that if the symptoms don't get better, I won't put up with it for five years. But I will try to stick it out a couple more months until my next oncology appointment. I feel like I should do something, and I also realize that these symptoms are nothing compared to what patients undergoing chemotherapy have to put up with. So maybe I'm doing it in solidarity with all of the cancer patients who are dealing with much worse.

Maybe, however, I want to feel like a cancer patient. Not that I want cancer, but I want to feel like what I've been through wasn't for nothing. That I'm doing something to treat something. That the big chunk is missing out of my right breast for a reason.

It's easy to get philosophical about things like this, especially if you're an over analyzer like me. I'll keep you posted about the physical and, I suppose, emotional side effects of this drug.

And to all my menopausal friends - I feel your pain.