OK, let's review here a little. First mammogram ever was done last February. Found an abnormality, which led to more mammograms and biopsies and an MRI and surgery and a teeny mental breakdown when I went from being told I had cancer to being told I probably didn't. Started the evil drug tamoxifen, but stopped it after it made me crazy.
So, now that I'm a high-risk patient, I thought I should start doing breast self-exams. But I didn't start right away. I can't really describe it, but I was angry for awhile. Angry at the situation and angry at my breasts for betraying me. So I ignored them. Finally, in the middle of the summer, I decided to end the breast silent treatment and start doing self exams.
*** Please note: The following text contains descriptions of BREASTS and other WOMANLY STUFF and may not be appropriate for the squeamish!***
So, every week or so, when lathered up in the shower, I would check them out. And just like the book says, they do change based on where I am in my menstrual cycle. So it was good to do the exams every week, so I could follow the normal hormonally-caused changes. I'd done maybe 20 or so self exams and they were all normal. A week ago last Sunday, however, I lathered up and palpated my boobs like always except this time... hmmm... there was a weird knot thing in my lower lateral left breast (not the one where I had surgery, BTW). It was the size of my finger tip and blipped in and out of my fingers. Stay calm, I told myself. You are due for your period any day now and the glandular tissue tends to get larger and more firm at about this time. But I had Lisa feel it too (well, you're the one who decided to keep reading!) and she concurred that it did not feel like the rest of my breast tissue.
So the next day I left a message for my primary doctor, who called back and said if I were his wife he would want me to get in right away. Before he called back, I also spoke with a nurse at the Piper Breast Center, who told me to wait 1-2 weeks and have my surgeon check it out.
Well, I decided to go in earlier to see my primary doc three days after I initially felt the weird lump. It was a frustrating visit because I (like always) had to wait almost an hour to be seen. Grrr.... AND neither of us could feel it! But it was just there this morning! WTF??? Well, he said, I don't want to you to be worried about it, so we can schedule an ultrasound just to be sure. Nah, I said. I'll wait and see what happens after my period is over.
Well, a couple of days later it was still there, so I went ahead and made an appointment with the breast surgeon. The timing was good - 8 days after the start of my menstrual cycle, when the breasts are the least tender and lumpy. But because of the false alarm I had at the first appointment, I became a little obsessed about this lump. Every day
I checked it in the morning (always there). I checked it at noon (sometimes not there). I checked it at night (always there). I even checked it several times while driving the car - well it's not like anyone can see that you have your hand up your shirt when you're driving! Right?? I would say that I felt the lump about 80% of the time, and it didn't seem to be getting any smaller. I wish I could have had some of my friends check it for confirmation, but I suppose that crosses a line. I could have had Lisa feel it a couple of times, but I also didn't want to bring it up a lot and worry her. Even though I was afraid of cancer, I was more afraid that the doc wouldn't be able to find the lump and then I would really think I had lost my mind.
So I had the appointment with the surgeon this morning. Checked the lump in the shower. There. Checked it in the car. There. Got to the doctor's office and they took me right in. (See? That's how a doctor's office should run!) Disrobed the upper half and checked again. Still there. The surgeon came in minutes, yes MINUTES later and did a pretty thorough exam and couldn't feel anything. DAMMIT! So I tried to point it out to her and I started to panic - I couldn't find it either! Aaack! I really am insane!! But I calmed myself down, took a deep breath, and finally located the lump. THANK GOD. Yes, I was actually thankful for finding a breast lump. That's what I've come to.
She told me it felt like a ridge of glandular tissue, so it was likely nothing to be worried about. But we could order an ultrasound... What do you think, I asked? After pondering for a second, she said she'd call downstairs and see if they could get me in right now for an ultrasound. Yes, they could get me in right away. This place was not the Piper Center; it was the place where I had my failed stereotactic biopsy attempt. But my surgeon assured me that they would be perfectly capable of doing an ultrasound. OK. She also told me that if the ultrasound was normal she wanted to see me back in 6 weeks and if it got any bigger, we'd just take it out. What? I wasn't sure I heard her right. You know, remove it, she replied. Of course. Once a surgeon, always a surgeon. Should I have expected anything different from her?
The ultrasound was pretty uneventful. It was noted (as always) that I have very dense breasts (a trait for which I am extremely proud), but no discernable mass. Whew.
Looking back, here are the stats:
9 months
18 appointments
7 mammograms
6 clinical breast exams
And guess what? We're not done yet.
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